Movie Recap: Ninja, Act 1

Welcome and also goodbye, everyone!

No, I'm not going anywhere, but the year is. And to finish it with a bang, I'm doing a two-for-one recap with one of my favorite actors and one of my favorite directors! So not only is today's movie an Isaac Florentine vehicle with the requisite amounts of cheese, WTF and brain-punching writing, but it's an Isaac Florentine vehicle starring Scott Adkins, so I'll get to make googly eyes during the fight scenes while I poke fun of everything else. Despite the... you'll see, I honestly kind of recommend this one – even though the plot feels like someone ran three different action movie scripts through an office shredder and had to piece a single one together from what they could salvage, the fighting is very much worth checking out, and I really can't sum it up in more eloquent ways than "Swoon, drool, awesome". So yeah. Go watch Isaac Florentine's Ninja... once you've read the recap, of course.

Put on the crash helmets, let's get right into ACT 1!

Movie Recap: Bridge of Dragons, Act 3

Welcome back to the last leg of our journey, princes and princesses. Hitch up your wedding smocks, because this recap is going out with a bang – this is Bridge of Dragons, Act 3!

Movie Recap: Bridge of Dragons, Act 2

Welcome back to my action movie rogues' gallery, dear readers! I'm in a hurry this time because this segment of Bridge of Dragons has one of my favorite dumbass action movie scenes ever filmed (I think you'll know it when you see it in the recap), so let's get right into it. Ready, steady, action!

Movie Recap: Bridge of Dragons, Act 1

Hello, everyone. This is Oculus Recaps, which is a thing now, apparently.

Yes, here I go again like Whitesnake: after the unexpected amount of fun I had snarking at my dearest U.S. SEALs 2, I figured I'd sacrifice a few more braincells to revisit some of my other beloved Nu Image masterpieces. Undisputed 3 is way too unironically good for me to poke fun of, but there is another gem I have been meaning to return to and feature on this blog. That would be the 1999 action-adventure-romance Bridge of Dragons, which doesn't have a single bridge nor a dragon in it, as far as I recall. It does, however, have a lantern-jawed Action Man fighting an evil general for the love of a feisty princess, and said lantern-jawed looker is played by one of my favorite Action Man crushes: Dolph Lundgren. And who else would direct such high-octane cinema than Master Isaac Florentine himself?

I love Bridge of Dragons, dear readers, even when it hurts my head, and I'm here to make you love it too. Crash helmets on, sporks out, painkillers in hand, let's begin right away with Act 1!

Movie Recap: U.S. SEALs 2, Act 3

Home stretch now, girls and gentlefolk, so let's not waste any time! All I'm going to say before I get into the last half hour of this amazing experience is that despite my snark, I want everyone to know that I adore U.S. SEALs 2. Is it a good movie? Hell no - but it knows its own weight class and delivers solid, honest entertainment in that category, with every actor giving their all to each of these stupid, ridiculous, batshit, out there plot points and fight scenes. I admire a movie that has a heart, and U.S. SEALs 2 has so much, I find that I just can't stay mad at it even when it punches my brain for the fifteenth time in 94 minutes.

On to the dumb!

Movie Recap: U.S. SEALs 2, Act 2

Back and at 'em with the stupid, friends and femmes. Here's the second part of my recap of the most action movie ever: U.S. SEALs 2: The Ultimate Force, directed by Isaac Florentine.

Movie Recap: U.S. SEALs 2, Act 1

Hey again, everyone!

Not gonna make excuses for vanishing this time: 2022 was a very tough year for me, so I fell rather behind on almost every writing and blogging project I have. I do want to make up for the 2021 Sleaze-A-Thon falling through, though, so I will post the only review I have managed to write for it this month as a sort of mini-penance... as well as finish something else I started last year for y'all. Namely, I've been writing a recap for the most action movie I have ever seen: a little gem titled U.S. SEALs 2, an unforgettable follow-up to a mostly-forgotten action movie called U.S. SEALs, both from the famed low-budget fun times film studio called Nu Image. This bonkers sequel was directed by my favorite schlockmaster and direct-to-video wizard Isaac Florentine, so we're in good hands. I have been very fond of Mr. Florentine's output since my first jaw-on-the-floor encounter with Undisputed 3 (I made my mom watch that one with me and I still refuse to feel embarrassed over it), and this one didn't disappoint either.

Get ready, we're diving into the schlock in 3... 2... 1...