Oculus Reviews: Magical murder mystery? Yes please!

Welcome back to Oculus Reviews, everyone.

You know, I perfectly understand why, given the social climate of today, some people are uncomfortable with reading or watching stories about heroic cops. I'm not gonna go deeper into it because this is a fun genre fiction blog, and I'd like to keep it that way. But we all know that regardless of the country, real-life police work isn't like the idealized version you can see in detective shows, and the gazillion crime fiction books where tough, relentless peacekeepers with a heart pursue justice no matter what it costs them. Still, I grew up with exactly this kind of literature and TV, and while I acknowledge the reality of the world we live in, the "tough, relentless peacekeeper" archetype still is my guilty pleasure I sometimes indulge in. And if there's anything I love no matter the context, it's fantasy and murder mysteries. Put these three things together, and you get the book of my dreams...

Okay, maybe not.

 

Before we dive into Simon R. Green's first book of the Hawk & Fisher series, can I just say how much I love this cover of my well-loved copy - gritty, atmospheric, showing the reader just what kind of no-nonsense badasses the leads are. I especially love the boobtacular outfit on Fisher - lady hero or not, it was still the 90's when this book came out. My respect to Luis Royo (credited in the book as Royo) for this fantastic work.

Haven is a dark city. The home to wizards, politicians, struggling poor people, prostitution rackets, murder and all sorts of not-so-benevolent mystical creatures, it's a place of sleaze, slime and dark magic. Captain Hawk and his wife and partner, Captain Fisher, are the city Guard's best-known and most feared peacekeeping couple; they patrol the streets with an axe and a sword at their sides, keeping the folk safe from criminals of the mundane and the supernatural kind. (They kind of suck at it, but they try. You'll see.) After getting rid of a hungry vampire terrorising the streets, they get assigned to bodyguard duty to a party thrown at a powerful wizard's house, babysitting a politician widely hated for being honest and dedicated to social reform. Alas, the politician gets murdered in his bedroom while Hawk and Fisher are downstairs taking a rest (told ya), and because Hawk wisely decides to seal off Wizard Gaunt's house with an isolation spell while the killer is still inside (double told ya), it's up to him and Fisher to find who did in William Blackstone, and stop them before they strike again. (No luck there.)

As I said, I know perfectly well that this is an idealized cop story, and boy howdy did I wince sometimes when it got especially blatant, such as when Hawk states that not cooperating with the police- I mean, Guard is grounds for arrest. And as for one of the characters stating that he wanted to protect one of the suspects/witnesses because Hawk and Fisher have a reputation for violence... Oh, man, I ain't touching that one with a ten-foot spork. Yes, Hawk & Fisher is very much a product of its time, and I understand why that would put some off from reading it; but I for one don't regret that I did. I mean, it's true enough that it's not exactly a lost classic. The characters (honest politician, less honest politician, shy witch, Conan the Barbarian-type swordfighting hero, snotty aristocrats with a grudge against Hawk and Fisher, and so on) are just about two-dimensional, and that, sadly, does include the leads, who are basically Tough Cop and Tough Cop But Girl. Still, I found myself quite liking these two by the time the book wrapped up: as flat as they are, they have some good banter and chemistry, and I could genuinely believe that these are married people who are very fond of each other. I realize that's kind of a low bar to clear, but I'm sick of troubled and bickering married people in my reading, so it's always refreshing to see a genuinely affectionate couple.

 

As for the mystery and the general plot, it's... so-so. Hawk and Fisher make some truly unjustifiably stupid decisions: see above for locking up a houseful of guests with a murderer, or letting the guy they were supposed to guard out of their sight long enough for him to get murdered. Even if they repeatedly say that Gaunt's house is very heavily protected, one would think that the best cops- I mean, Guards of the city would know better. And if these are the best Guards the city of Haven can offer, I... kind of understand why it's in such a state. There are also two big plot twists, one of which is telegraphed from so far away you could spot it from the Moon without a telescope; but the actual, final twist and the identity of Blackstone's killer is genuinely well-built up, foreshadowed and explained, and fits in with the fantasy setting perfectly. Bravo, Mr. Green.

Still, what left me with a bit of a frown after reading was the ending of the book itself. I'm going to dip into a bit of a spoiler here to discuss; not gonna reveal the identity of the killer, don't worry, but I'm gonna drop a hint, so head to the next paragraph if you want to experience this book entirely for yourself. Basically, the message of the final twist seems to be that no matter how hard you try to be good, being born into a bad family means that you yourself will succumb to evil sooner or later, because there's no escaping the bad tendencies and leanings inherited from your forebears. Now, I know perfectly well that upbringing, transgenerational patterns and hereditary traits (guess who's a freshly minted psych student) are very important to a person's development and identity; but still, to think that you're entirely determined by them leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I like to believe that we humans are better, more complex, and have more free will than that.

 

So yeah, as a whole, the themes of this book are rather... uncomfortable for me. (Trigger warning: if you're sensitive to child abuse, there's also that, and not briefly either.) And I'm very sorry about that, because as a fantasy-crime novel it's a perfectly adequate read: quick, airy, not too deep, but still entertaining and absorbing enough to make me finish in one go without groaning aloud once. (Internal groaning, though...) I spent a fun, if not very mentally taxing evening with it - I guess it's up to you whether that sounds like a recommendation.

Writing: Kind of dry and flawed sometimes (I caught a few word repetitions a more thorough editor would have probably vetoed), but quick enough and easy to follow, without cruelty to the English language. I know that's faint praise, but I've read worse. Much worse. 3/5

Availability: No ebook of this, I'm afraid, but used copies can be found for under ten dollars if you know where to look, and there's an audiobook too if you wish to liven up your morning commute. 4/5

Entertainment value: Fun enough if you're into this kind of storytelling, but definitely not one of the more brilliant books I've read. Still, I'd be up for reading more of this series because I do like our main couple. 3/5

Do I recommend it?: I... guess I do? The premise of a fantasy crime novel is certainly original enough, and it makes for a light and entertaining read even if it's a bit of a groaner sometimes; but I don't feel like anyone would be missing out on a life-changing reading experience if they decided to skip this one. 3/5

Oculus Reviews: Bats in the moonlight, oh my

Welcome, folks, to Oculus Reviews.

Busy, busy, busy, but that doesn't mean I don't read! In the past few weeks I've gone through several good and some not-so-good books, from horror novels to literary fiction and even chick lit (look, I'm not immune to stories about little quaint village bakeries). I've read morality tales (blargh), kitschy beach reads (double blargh) and some absolute gems like The Haunting of Hill House (if you haven't read it yet, you owe it to yourself to correct that ASAP). If I had to choose a best book of the year, I'd be very hard-pressed. But as for most fun read so far? Oh, yeah, I know which one I'd pick.

The price sticker I didn't have the heart to take off this book informs me that someone, at some point, has owned it for precisely one dollar, and for the life of me I can't tell if they paid too much or not enough for it. It's that kind of book.

Chris Blaze is an undercover detective in Miami. He's also blond, blue-eyed, works out regularly, and he's so handsome that he's making the bad guys look even uglier, as the book kindly informs us in his very first scene. Where he's busting a cult trying to sacrifice a virgin on Walpurgis night, because of course. The cult, by the way, is led by a man named Batiste Legendre (I'm not kidding) and worships a god of hate named Hadifes, as we find out precisely in the first three paragraphs. To paraphrase a friend from my writing group, one page in I knew I had a goddamn treasure in my hand.

So, Chris busts the evil cult with a classic "Freeze, Legendre, or I'll blow your fucking head off!" line, letting us know that he's a Tuff Cop Man right off the bat. Alas, the bust goes awry, and while the cult is subdued, Legendre curses Chris with immortality, doomed to walk the night as a vampire; as Chris soon discovers when another undercover bust gets outed and he's pumped full of lead, gets back up, and proceeds to go through a roomful of bad guys like papier-mache. It's kind of awesome. However, Chris is soon forced into the night shift by his acute sunlight allergy, where he's paired up with a smart-talking black cop named Reggie who regularly hoses down the pages with quips and wisecracks, because of course. He also romances a cute night-shift doctor named Sue with a domineering fiance, who he falls in love with pretty much at first sight, because of course. And then he gets assigned to some mysterious killings happening at night, and the killer's identity is something I'd rather not spoi... Oh, fuck it, he's a vampire named Yosekaat Rakz (still not kidding, guys) and he inspired Dracula's legend, because of course. [EDIT: I just remembered that he's actually a descendant of the guy who was the inspiration for Dracula, but still. I also remembered that according to this book Bram Stoker was Van Helsing himself, only no one wanted to buy his memoir, so he released it as fiction under a pen name. Which... wow. I wonder if the biographers knew that. /s] And now it's up to Chris, his cute girlfriend and smart black sidekick to stop him, because of course.

Oh, man, I'm giddy just talking about this book - I swear, this puppy has to have been one of the most entertaining trashsploshions I've ever read. One-dimensional characters, Darwin Award-winning plot points, wooden dialogue, tired racism (the racists are actually pointed out to be racist, but I hope you can stomach the n-word) and tin-eared descriptions litter the pages, and yet the whole thing has so much going for it. There's this manic, deadly serious trashy energy to Vampire Beat which makes it a quick, compulsive read, miles above groaners we've seen here like The Terrified Heart. The book has a whole lot of gory killing, but also holy water, staking, giant rats, turning into bats (!) and even a zombie (!!!), plenty of fun nastiness for everyone who likes to dip into the less sophisticated side of horror every now and then. And while these heroes have to be some of the dumbest I've ever seen, there are a few mildly (mildly) clever bits like the aforementioned zombie episode, which I found myself smiling at, and the finale was honest-to-god exciting to read. Above all I abhor dullness in my horror literature, and while my keyboard would probably crack in two if I called this book good, I certainly can't call it dull. The bad guys are all entertainingly nasty, and the fact that they appear to have been written by a middle schooler (seriously, Yosekaat Rakz? With a name like that, he must be from the mystical region of Fictionalia) just ups the fun factor of the whole thing. And if you think the fact that the writing is bad means that the writing is bad, take a gander at magnificent quotes like...

Drago had a face only a mother could love, and even then she would have to be blind.

...and...

A snooty-looking bitch came out of the little girl's room with her nose up in the air. She looked good and knew it. Everyone she passed smiled at her. She could see them out of the corner of her eye. Too bad she couldn't also see the trail of toilet paper she was dragging behind her.

I'll let you be the judge. Thank you, Vincent Courtney, for blessing my Halloween season with one of the dumbest books I've ever read.

Writing: Trying to rate the writing style of this book is like trying to rate an exploding garbage can that's somehow also on fire. It stinks, but it makes for excellent entertainment. 3/5

Availability: While this book is pretty obscure as far as vintage horror literature goes, copies of it aren't that hard to find and go for relatively cheap. 3/5

Entertainment value: Through the roof, baby. 5/5

Do I recommend it?: Oh, man, I can't recommend this book enough - but at the same time, if you've gotten this far in this review, you probably already know if it's your kind of story or not. Vampire Beat is for serious trash enthusiasts and vampire fanatics only, those who like their horror fun, nasty, not too smart, and with enough ham and cheese to feed a small country. 3/5

Oculus Presents: Merry Book Haul, and a friend

Welcome, folks, to the biggest book haul this blog has ever seen.

I don't normally go on book-shopping sprees, but every now and then I feel like I'm allowed to splurge a little - and sometimes books I ordered separately all arrive at the same time and bury me with a very welcome avalanche. This time, I got five books within a week of each other! I've been very excited to get to these babies for different reasons, and they look quite nice on the Shelf, too. Four out of five I've ordered from Better World Books, which I very much recommend for you folks to check out - they have an excellent horror and genre fiction selection, offer free shipping on many titles, and they do a lot of good work with nonprofits and donated books with the money they get from book purchases, so you're doing something good while scoring great finds for your own shelf. Win-win scenario!

The fifth book is from my trusty Thriftbooks - a pricier venture shipping-wise, but one whose selection has never disappointed me. And as to what those books are? Well...

First of all, the greats - King and Matheson. I really dig the cover of Thinner, although the premise of the book is a little... uh... we'll burn that bridge when we get to it. I Am Legend, on the other hand, is a book I've been looking forward to for a while. I find both the shouting Will Smith sticker and the praise from Dean Koontz, hackmaster extraordinaire, a little comical; but the rest of the cover is very atmospheric, and I've heard nothing but good about the book itself. We shall see whether it holds up to that praise, but I've read from Matheson before and I trust his writing a whole lot.

Next is this great little find: a YA horror from the 80's, and one with the true rarity of having gay characters, even in the main cast if my memory doesn't fail me. I have mixed feelings about the YA phenomenon, but I've read a lot of great YA books - some even in the horror and thriller genre, and they were delightful -, and between the premise of YA horror, the gay characters and this awesome cover, The Lake is a book I'm very eager to check out.

Poppy Z. Brite is one of those slightly lesser-known (to non-horror lit fans anyway) authors who were the powerhouses of horror publishing in the 1990's, known for being fresh, daring and original; and he in particular was known for featuring queer people and outcasts in a genre heavily dominated by straight white men as protagonists. That alone would win my undying respect, but then he also came out as trans - nowadays he goes by Billy Martin, although he still uses Poppy Z. Brite, his pre-transition pen name, professionally. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) And since I'm always up for reading more from minority authors, especially in horror, I've been glad to find this much-praised short story collection, from the famed Dell/Abyss line, at a pretty good price. I've only ever read one short story by Brite before, but unlike Clive Barker's writing (Hellbound Heart, the novella Hellraiser is based on, is an awkward book to say the least), I really liked what I'd seen of him so far.

And finally, this well-loved, but still wonderful copy of Borderlands, a boundary-pushing horror anthology from genre greats like Harlan Ellison and Joe R. Lansdale, with one hell of a cover. Fantastic work by Dave McKean (the title is on the black part, but it's done in transparent reflective foil, so it's only visible in a certain lighting). As for whether the stories inside are just as great... well, other horror blogs tell me a very resounding YES.

Thus concludes the book haul - I have two more on the way, and then the book-shopping shall stop for a while; both because I have enough stuff to read for a year, and because the Shelf is getting rather full. (But worry not, gentle reader! I have a bigger bookshelf on my other wall.) As for the friend I mentioned...

Yorick?

 

I've been organizing my bookshelf for the umpteenth time, and I relocated my Tolkien collection (why yes, I am a giant nerd, why do you ask?) to a more visible spot; and then I couldn't resist adding an extra touch of fantasy with this wizard figurine I bought from an antiques fair. Someone get me a Boromir figurine or a dragon to go with it, and my bliss shall be complete.